These past few weeks have been an internal struggle and with a pandemic hanging over and vaccination very slow here in Ontario Canada one must try and internalize the wayward way of thought and emotional collapse.
Money is always the balancing act, then there is the loyalty emotion, and lastly is the fear of having someone catch the idea that one may be a pervert or just a sexually frustrated male.
As a widower, and having just one sex partner for the thirty-two years of marriage, and now single shut in by stay at home orders how to cope well that is where the internet has reared its winged way to bring about the dilemma.
I have a lucky star that words seem to flow easily from my mind into my fingers on a keyboard and thus appear on a page to read or be stored away. Lucky for me have been offering some fantasy stories on a free site called literotica under my pen name icetiger1227, this gave me an opportunity to reach out and make a wonderful connection with another writer of the opposite sex.
This venture turned into a sort of pen pal scenario we exchange thoughts and feelings through words often five or six times a week, some I am finding out may even consider this a form of sexting even though it is done through email.
Yet, for me something is still lacking so reaching out on twitter have reconnected or connected with a wonderful lady who has been doing the online and at one time real time dominatrix lifestyle. Having a conversation was a pleasant way to have spent time, our messaging on twitter has never really moved out of the friend type zone that reminds one of high school moments, male wanting possibly more, female not sure for male is too shy to speak out so friends is the safe vanilla way.
So as the searching continued through a niteflirt site another connection is made again a very safe element as the Dominatrix slash hypnotist is half way around the world so as the draw of the current or tides of the moon seem to tug internally he reaches out over the phone connection and had a wonderful foundation type of call, again nothing.
A suggestion made to reach out to a erotic hypnotist who deals with lost souls or analytical mind thinkers, this may be the result of a last ditch effort to hopefully find that his libido has not died but just sits dormant waiting for that right stimulus, how to proceed.
The reason for coming back to this blog and express myself in words is to try and sort out this wayward way of turning a want into a need or turning words into a proper service, or should one just turn to dating sites and pay to meet people real time like the adult friend finder.
Well if any woman reads this dribble and has a desire to reach out and discuss the dilemma of lost male soul, or feels that at a seven decade old person is not dead but just needs a little revitalization please reach out and stroke your keyboard and exchange an email or two who knows it might be interesting or fun.